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THE HEALTHY LOVE HIERARCHYFrom: Steven
Subject: Practice
Date/Time 2010-08-17 23:14:45
Remote IP: 75.7.196.108
MessageNote: The below is my own observation that I came to
over a long period of time . . . Steven
HEALTHY LOVE HIERARCHY
1. Yourself
2. Spouse/Life Partner
3. Anyone else you love
If items #1 and #2 are reversed, this disorder is CO-DEPENDENCY.
This is when you try to fill the lack of love for yourself
with someone else's love, putting them above yourself.
This disorder creates fuel for mental and/or physical abuse.
Sets the stage for chaos and misery for all involved.
If items #2 and #3 are reversed, this disorder is EROSION.
Examples of this:
A. Husband has more love for his mother than his wife.
Wife feels inadequate and not respected, and feels like
there is a third party in their relationship.
Relationship erodes.
Husband should always put the wife first; a loving mother
should understand.
B. Wife has more love for her children than her husband.
When the wife puts the children before the husband, the
husband will feel unloved and not special. Sets the
stage for adultery, dissolution, and/or divorce.
Relationship erodes.
Wife should always put the husband before the children;
if the children are loved but recognize the husband-wife
bond is the most important, they will feel secure in the home;
despite unrelenting attempts of attention by the children, putting
them first not only creates unspoken insecurity in them, but destroys the
primary relationship.
There are other examples as well (including the obvious ones of
swapping gender roles in the above discussion).
So once again,
1. Yourself
2. Spouse/Life Partner
3. Anyone else you love
Aside: Connection to the divine (i.e. spirituality) I consider part
of the "Yourself" category . . .
Cheers,
Steven
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