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reversed kidney programFrom: Swedich Dragon
Subject: Practice
Date/Time 2010-07-10 10:41:00
Remote IP: 84.217.114.226
MessageHello Wendy
Actually my idea for the program was the reversed one! To collect positive points and the spend them as money. I have managed to do it that way before, but not for a long time.
If I´m to hard against myself. Well that will be true if I make a program that I can´t follow. It looks like it must be adjusted a litle. I´m shore that after ading the posibility to gain more positive points it will be a better program. But also the main idea was to do the program much more sincerely than before, beacase I realy want some results. If this is the right approoach or the best one that is something I´m not absolutely shore about. There is of course also some good things with doing the program. Giving myself time to sleep enogh so that I not feel very tired all the days. Giving me time to do qigong. Not drinking cofe beacase that is something that drain me in the long run e.t.c. To do all these things that make me feel much better, is that realy to be hard against myself? Seen from another perspective it is realy to be nice to myself. :) Anyway I apreachiate your comment.
Time is also a factor. It takes time to change habbits. I have noticed it many times. It is qutie hard actually to achive.
One thing that I not mentione for instance is that I hardly ever drink alcohol nowdays and this am I able to do without any problem at all. My alcohol consumtion the last year is two bear and a litle alcohol at christmas. That is somethihng that was hard to do in the beginning, but now it is just a new habbit, a habbit of not drinking alcohol. This is realy what I want to achive with the other things as well. I already have it with the qigong and with the physical exercises, they work as a habbit, even though I not follow my program everyday, but most of the days! I want to come there with porn and cofe also, to not been using them. This is still a bit hard, but I must say that I make progress. Some of the negative points are from drinking cofe also. What I also did this weak was to finish the last part except my thesis work that is left from my studies. I was quite tired and did drink a cup of cofe to days in a raw. But still the program helped me to stop at one cup. Before the program think I have at least been drinking two cups in a row and perhaps also more cups later during the day. I also managed to stop drinking cofe directly after the work was finished.
I am a person that often put up high goals for myself. And if that is being hard to myself you are right. Well I guess there is a better way to reach goals than being hard to yourself, so to work out this paradox is realy keypoint to the problem and also a reason for why I did work myself to a burn our condition in the first place. But I guess this is part of being a (the astrological sign from december, often a man on a horse with an arrow) ( I forget the word in english)
There is other aspects as well. The best thing I should like to do is to chage myself without a program. But that seems not to work at all. That is part of the problem. If I make myself totaly free then I will be exhausted wery much more and I have no progress in my health program. At least not if I let myself free during times I work. Of course one of the central points is how much do I work. If I work less then much is won conserning my health. I also have wery long travel time to my work place, perhaps something I realy would have to change.
I think I can write much more, but. The key question was if I am to hard against myself. I think I have to take that question with me and let it softly be there in my mind for a while.
One thing that comes to my mind emidiately. I have had an extremely will power in my life during many years. I have gone in and out from this will power. I mean I have live true the will power for long times and then I have had times of completely letting go, no will at all realy. I think that is a pattern that did exist before the illness. But nowdays the will is not long lasting. Either it is ruined by to litle energy to acomplished things or it is ruined by less sustainable will power from the mind. I´m not used to not be able to do what I have decided to do. But I have of course learned to adjust to the circumstances during my illness to.
SD
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