|
|
Shame; sex; judgement; loneliness; loveFrom: Steven
Subject: Philosophy
Date/Time 2010-02-13 00:11:58
Remote IP: 76.247.139.98
MessageHi Wendy,
Good to hear from you :)
Regarding this interesting topic,
I'm starting to wonder if there is an issue
here of "wanting approval" that's lurking behind
the scenes here . . . sort of like when you are a kid,
a lot of what is done is done to try to seek parental
approval and praise . . . and it's as if part of
that residue remains. Even though we are grown,
we are still seeking approval . . .
To explain:
In a lot of cases, we all have this vision of how other
people view us--in some cases, rightly; in other cases,
wrongly. Nonetheless, there is some "image" of us that
is present in the minds of others--or at the very least,
an image we think exists.
Since people generally don't go about having sex in
public and in mixed company, sexual feelings and desires
don't form a component to this image. However, the reality
is, is that we have these thoughts, feelings, desires.
This creates an incompatibility between the image that
others have of us (or at the least, the image we think
others have of us) and who we *actually* are.
This creates shame, because we feel like we are not
living "up to" this image . . . this projected version
of ourselves. A sense of guilt that we don't match
this projected persona. Feelings of guilt and shame
arising from feelings of inadequacy . . . "If they
only knew what really goes on inside, I wouldn't
be accepted, etc."
In this way, it not only becomes a judgement issue,
but it becomes a fear of judgement issue. A feeling
of being forced to being constrained to certain
behaviors that don't match the whole spectrum of
who you are as a person. The tension between those
two ends--the real you and the image of you.
Even the simple situation of being in public and
becoming aroused creates this tension. People in
the surrounding environment don't know, so their
image of you is different from the internal landscape.
It can create feelings of dishonesty with respect
your interactions with others, as they are not
"getting the full story". "Being open and honest"
would definitely change "your image", LOL. You'd
be labeled as a weirdo/creep. Keeping it private
creates an internal secret/internal tension.
So, in other words, I think it does go back to your
earlier comments about how the sexual force knows
no boundaries, whereas there are boundaries in society,
and it is the friction between the two that creates
the shame.
How to resolve this?
I agree that self-acceptance is the key.
Although that can be tricky because there is
an undercurrent of disbelief running throughout.
The imagined unacceptance makes it hard for the
self to believe and to self-accept. Ideas such
as "surely there must be some credibility to all
the imagined opinions of others that people have
of me, so how can I--myself--believe differently?"
Trying to believe "what feels like a lie" doesn't
promote full self-acceptance. Residual inadequacy
remains. The desire to try to realign yourself
with the false image remains, and the self-denigration
that goes along with the inability to see that through.
In total, what this does is put one in an uncomfortable,
raw place. A place where one can't fully accept
oneself, and yet can't "realign" oneself to this
falsified image either. States of continual inadequacy
remain. What is the solution to this?
Maybe this is the reason we all have the desire on
some level to pair off. To find at least one other
person who we can let into our private little world and will
hopefully accept "the true version" of who we are,
rather than the one we project.
Of course, going off in this direction of discussion
brings up issues of loneliness, which opens up a whole
new can of worms.
But I suppose all such feelings as discussed here are
much more "core" and much more "primal", and at
the root of soul need . . . part of the ongoing struggle
of being here in the physical world . . .
THE DESIRE TO FEEL LOVED
Steven
[Top of List] [Previous Thread] [Next Thread]
|
|
|
|
This Forum is for posting on topics of interest to the Taoist (Daoist) community. Tao is exceptionally broad. Will your post add to the collective balance, harmony, & wisdom? Posts/links deemed obscene, prejudicial, irrelevant, inflammatory, or falsely impersonating others may be removed at Healing Tao USA's discretion. The Forum community thanks you for respecting the registration privilege!
|
|
|
|