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Underlying reasons; more personal stuffFrom: Steven
Subject: Philosophy
Date/Time 2009-05-02 02:49:32
Remote IP: 76.251.211.211
Message>>>I wonder if the story about the man that
>>>asked the question but get ridiculed was
>>>a reason for your quite high knowledge of
>>>a practise you not yourself are so found of?
Exactly. That has a lot to do with it.
Some sexual confusion on my part is probably another . . .
They say that the best way to understand others
is to understand yourself better, which is really
a yin-yang philosophy. However, at the same time,
I've found that the converse also holds, which
is also yin-yang--that is, sometimes you can
understand yourself better, *if* you make an effort to
understand *others* better.
In my case, I have a long-time male friend (heterosexual)
that has always had a fascination with anal sex.
He is also heavily into porn, and always rents
pornographic movies where the male and female
have anal sex. He also stimulates himself
anally when he masturbates. He always got
turned on by that kind of thing, but I never
really understood it. In particular, the
few times I tried it myself privately at his suggestion,
it really didn't do anything for me--my nerves
and/or sexual impulses don't seem to be currently
wired that way for whatever reason. To each his own,
I guess--but that doesn't mean I think anything
bad about those that do incorporate anal stimulation
into their sexual practices. As long as it's not
harming anybody, I don't see a problem with it.
This coupled with seeing that other gay guy get
ridiculed in that course made me feel like I
wanted to understand it a little bit better,
if for no other reasons than to gain insight
into myself as to why I don't have an attraction
to it and also to have greater compassion and
understanding for those that do. I also feel
its important to be approachable by others
and be able to answer sexually related questions
with compassion and not be caught in your own
personal hangups.
In this particular case, it's also probably
some guilt for unintentionally setting him up
for embarrassment--sort of feeling like if the
situation ever arose again, I could take the
person aside and say look, here's the story
or information you were looking for.
On a personal level, I don't get aroused by
anal stimulation--maybe in part because
I store a lot of negative emotions in my colon--
it's a dumping ground of sorts (and, as an aside,
may be a major contributor to my intestinal problems)--
so stimulation down there just stirs up the
negative emotions and so I don't associate the
stimulation with positive arousing feelings.
Also, it probably just has to do with not being
"wired" that way to make it "feel pleasurable"--just like
some people are wired to be at a particular point on
the sexual orientation spectrum--we all have our unique
likes and dislikes.
Sort of a long winded explanation, I know, but
I guess the short of it is that by understanding
those different from you, you can understand
yourself better.
What I've come to learn in the sexual realm,
is that at its *very core*, all sexual desires
and impulses are really a desire to feel loved.
And unfortunately due to the overwhelming power
of sexual energy and confusion about what it
really is, we block that through fear, shame,
ridicule of others, and the fear of ridicule
*from* others. It's quite sad actually.
I don't know if any of that makes any sense,
but there it is. :)
Best,
Steven
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