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More commentsFrom: Steven
Subject: Philosophy
Date/Time 2009-04-29 18:43:39
Remote IP: 76.247.139.94
MessageFor one, thank you Wendy for volunteering your response and
responding to my invitation. It's great to get the female
view, and your words in the sexual arena are top-notch as usual.
I wanted to clarify a few things with regard to the pain/sphincter part,
and as I do so, as an unspoken backdrop to the discussion, I'd like
to provide my view on how sexual play can be nourishing in and of
itself without regard to any "end goal".
At any rate, let me first begin by clarifying what I meant by "slowly".
When I said go slowly, what I really mean is that it should be
a process over several sessions, not in the first session.
In other words, you shouldn't be moving from "let's try anal sex"
to actually doing it in the same night! It requires appropriate
training. Just like you don't run a marathon without training!
So really it may be a period of months before actual anal sex should
realistically be taking place. First session should involve a lot
of lubrication, gentle play outside and then not too far into the
entrance with a single finger. After getting accustomed to this
and incorporating it into the lovemaking, then in subsequent sessions
you proceed through the same stages and then try sliding the finger
in all the way and back out again a few times.
Then in subsequent sessions, again starting at the beginning
and progressing to this point, then near the end of the play,
try bringing a two fingers (lubricated) into the entrance (shallowly)
--say the middle finger and ring finger as the two fingers.
From this after several sessions, after reaching the same stage,
try going in deeper with the two, use the first two fingers, and/or
maybe trying a thin dildo.
Only after all of this during a later session should
penile penetration be tried, and again only after building up to
that point during a particular session, and then the duration
and depth of thrusting should be short and gentle--preferably
done by the receiver and NOT the giver, i.e. the receiver controls
both the depth and speed of the thrusts. These durations can
be lengthened through subsequent sessions until full-blown
anal sex can be reached. Only a seasoned receiver should
realistically allow the giver full thrusting control, unless there
is already impeccable communication and trust between the two.
All training phases, as well as the anal sex itself, should
involve a lot of lubrication.
Some people, because of emotional control issues and/or because of
physiology, will take much longer and the progression will
be a lot slower than others. But the key is to progress at the
pace that is appropriate for the receiver, not some desire
to reach the end goal.
Proceeding in this way, no problems will arise.
When I hear descriptions of people suffering greatly, having
trouble walking, having a lot of pain, ruptures, and the like,
I consider that a great tragedy. It's most likely the case that
the slow progression was not taken, but rather anal sex was
tried the first night that any anal play was done.
Of course, as you point out Wendy, there is a great deal of
psychology and emotion behind anal sex, and some people are
following the animalistic raw desires and the domination/dominated
feelings, and therefore this can cause the giver or the receiver
to push too rapidly. After a period of foreplay in any given
session, the partners can get rather "horned-up", and just feel
they want to rush to the punch-line--even though they may not
be ready. The giver may be pushy, and due to sexual desires
may be pushing to "let's do it already". The receiver may feel
like, "O.K., we've been playing here for awhile; maybe I'm not
entirely ready, and maybe it might therefore hurt a bit, but
maybe it might not be too bad and besides I want to please
my partner". Then before you know it, things go too far too fast,
and the receiver gets hurt.
The two partners need to show love and trust to one another,
and enjoy the exploration and the process that they are discovering
and experimenting with. If one or both of the partners are looking
at the end goal instead of the process, they are not doing things
in the right way, in my opinion. Two people in sexual play should
NOT be looking to get off, they should be enjoying each other and
using the sexual play to gain deeper insight into themselves and
their partners. Anything else is not heart-centered, and is
a damaging process rather than a nourishing one.
One other thing that really should be considered in such an
exploration, is that AS the two partners go through their training
period, it can be enlightening and further bonding if BOTH
partners agree to go through the training process TOGETHER.
This should be a natural one for two gay males, but it should
also be seriously considered for a male-female partnership as well.
The finger and dildo training can be done with the male, just
as with the female. When the time comes for penetration,
either continued dildo use as is, or penetration through the
use of a female strap-on dildo can be used. The advantage
in training both partners is that the giver can become aware
of the types of sensations that the partner is likely to
experience on the receiving end. It can give greater
understanding as to why a lengthy training phase is indeed necessary.
Moreover, why should the giver "expect" the receiver to do
anything that the giver isn't willing to do himself?
In the case of a male-female relationship, one or both parties may not
be interested in training the reversed role for whatever reason.
Sometimes this reason is due to either the male or the female
or both, feeling that "training the male" seems "homosexual"
in some way and is inappropriate. Of course, such a decision
should be made by the two parties involved, and they should
both be happy with it, but let me just say that such a reason
is ridiculous in my opinion--as NO ACT that a man and woman
do together in sexual play can be homosexual BY DEFINITION!!
There's nothing wrong with homosexuality anyway, but that's
another discussion I won't touch on.
At any rate, regardless of how any such training proceeds,
the methods should be agreed upon by both parties involved. Both
people should feel joy and excitement in the mutual
exploration that they are undertaking. They should feel
a heart-centered love and trust for their partner. They
should not be working toward sexual release, but rather they
should be creating an opportunity to continue and deepen
their bonding through their exploration process. The mutual
exploration that is done in this particular process or any other
other sexual play for that matter presents a rare opportunity
for the most intimately shared exploration possible between
two beings in the bonds of love. This is how growth happens.
This is how consciousness gets raised. This is how sexual
play can enhance not diminish the spiritual vibration.
S
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