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Re: For rainbowbearFrom: Rainbowbear
Subject: General
Date/Time 2005-08-07 13:01:31
Remote IP: 24.70.95.203
MessageHI Farooq,
YOu have not offended me, well maybe a little. And I am truly sorry for you and your father's relationship, that it was not more fullfilling. I guess I was lucky in mine, with my father.
I think that as women when we get comments as you made in your last comments, the first email you sent me, we can read it, but unless it has a great big investment, like something to chew on as this last one relayed, about your personal experiences then the comments and suggestions just seem so bookish. I think as women we tend to ask why do they feel this way, why do they comment this way and we can get a little stand offish if we don't understand that there truly is life experience coming across in this. As you can tell by my emails, and Wendy's we tend to pour our hearts out and if you look at the men's replies it takes a little more urging to have that happen. Some just don't like to type. And others fly off to Porno Conventions (ha, ha). Men have huge hearts, women have huge hearts just different ways of commuicating them I think. And I think men serve as great grounders for us flighty women. It is good for us both.
You are right in your compassion. And I do try. And I will try to continue that. But have you ever, and I am sure you must have just felt like and even did, scream, scream, scream. I have taken to that lately. I do it in the car, while driving, with the windows up. Sometimes that helps as much as the cutting. I am at the place you were with your father, in not the same way, but in working with family to provide them with good structure and a base from which they can grow. And to find that not all of the family are so much in appreciation of that. And to have to step back and know that to give is best when it is given unconditionally. And that is hard when the bills are piling up and there are lessons to be learned by the kids. And that in itself is so hard. To know that to teach lessons one must step back and watch them fail and be in pain, and find their own way. As mother and caregiver this is so hard to do, but it is necessary. Being psychic is not all that it is cracked up to be. Sometimes you suffer thru the hard stuff twice. YOur heart feels it and there is a foreboding but you know you can not change it not even touch it, maybe, maybe you can lighten it but sometimes one can not even do that. I used to hold it all and I learned not to do that the hard way. I used to carry everyone else's pain, all the time. Now only sometimes. Holding is not allowed.
So, well I see you recovered from it all and I know I will too. It is a time passing. But I know I will still need those times of screaming in a car with windows rolled up as I drive down the freeway. I find it amazing as to how much anger the human can hold. I am sure that if I could harness it all I could light up New York for a week.
It is nice and comforting to see you are Muslim. Not sure why but I think that is a good thing. I am not so familiar with all of your religious beliefs but I did take up the Catholic faith when I got married many years ago. Originally I was brought up protestant. (Good thing I don't live in Ireland I guess).
Now well, I float. All religions are awesome in their true source.
Thanks for the comfort. And I guess with your father, well I guess it was all lessons for you and for him. But the essence of love underneath all of the earth stuff is still there. That is comforting in itself. I liken it to stageacting, kind of like we do this and that to make this and that happen to facilitate this and that energy. But I think that allof us stageactors, in father/son relationships, business relationships, religions, ...underneath it all we are all as one, I was gong to say the same, but we are truly not, we are all so uniquely different, otherwise we could not build the yin and yang and spiral and tension and release that is required. We would truly be void. And void may be good on some planes and in some other worlds but on earth I believe to "feel" is such a blessing. I believe that in our feeling we can truly feel each other if we only open our hearts enough. It is comforting to know that in opening ones heart there are places to do so and get open heart in return. With understanding. Like sometimes, like here.
May the rainbows shine brightly in your heart.
Rainbowbear
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