|
|
Wendy is a very wise womanFrom: Rainbowbear
Subject: General
Date/Time 2005-08-03 15:24:28
Remote IP: 198.161.230.10
MessageIs true, rejection is a BIG part of it, also nonappreciation and respect. Not counting, no purpose. Everyone has their burdens, some turn to food, others to drugs, alcohol.
For me a lot of the above is true, along with life serving me a taiji master who argued and rejected who and what I was, demanded silence, demanded servitude no matter what carrots he put in front of me and then pulled away at the last minute. Treated like a jackass. Big hurdle that one is - to overcome, to let go of. So a warning to other teachers who have power.. be careful in what you do and how you do it with your students. There is always a cause and effect.
Now this rejection is mine to heal with the others. It is a big one but it will come, eventually it will come. I have thought of acting out thinness to "just show him". To be great at taiji to "just show him". But I am not allowed that emotion. Wouldn't work. For to create truth in physical health along with mind, emotion and spirit health one must work from a good base. Being anything for anybody but yourself is not truth, it will eventually falter and fail. I have torn down my "building" many times but one day it will be built and it will last strong and be pure of heart and intent not because of rejection nor ego. YOu see becoming healthy and truth in body --- it must be found from its source. Otherwise as Wendy has said and as I experienced when I inadvertently lost 50 lbs while doing a 40 day cleanse ... you just feel empty. There is no sbustance to your structure, no purpose. The trick to success is finding the truth in your purpose. Some never find it. Elusive it is. Sometimes one can find a good substitute for awhile anyways. Sometimes not.
A lot of women are overweight because they were abused as children. So to cover up, to be safe ... the weight acts as a shield. I mean really, how many guys whistle at a fat ass? Do men really know what it is like for a 14 year old riding a bike to have grown men yell at her that they would love to be a bicycle seat. Do you know what it feels like to have men come up on a roof to look at you while you are working and stare at you. Do you know what it is like to see how when you are pretty and thin, men acknowledge you, talk to you, buy htings for you. How when you are fat not so much of any of that. So why would a woman who has been abused by males for a good part of her life want to look good for them especailly after having experienced life as thin/pretty and life as chubby/fat and the shallowness of men's reactions to both. Why would any sane women want to please that species? I have taught my sons to respect all women for who they are. My relationship now, I have tested with weight gain and weight loss.
My goal is to reach a fitness level where I can again practise my martial arts, not because of some man. Not because I want to perform, not because of power, or anything of the sort. But becasue I like to be physical, I like the martial arts "try as hard as you can", push yourself attitude. I love the structure. I love the beauty it can sometimes bring out and the skill. So much of all of that. My goal, my dream is to dance with the sword, to make it as a leaf in the wind. This is my dream but you know I cannot understand why so many men think the only place for a woman is in the kitchen, or in the store or bed. And that if she is in marital arts she wants to be a man. So friggin not true. I love my femaleness, I am just sick and tired of men judging me for who I am not. My idea of a great night is sweating in the studio or gym. That is what I like. But frigging men attache so much shit to women and it sticks like friggin glue. As soon as I can get the damn stuff off, I will feel a lot better! My sensei in Kenjutsu gave me a white silk uniform for my sword work and a blue one for my taiji. And one day, even if it takes me till I am 90 years old I will wear those uniforms and I will dance with the sword like a leaf in the wind, I will join the universe, earth and myself in taiji form. Moving the energy between us all in unison, in spiral, in contrast like a dream. And I will do this where no one but the creator and I can see. For it is my dream. And why guys cannot understand that some women's dreams can be of that nature instead of the latest soap opera or lates knitted scarf or lastest WalMart sale I will never, never understand.
Another note, I just experienced another "traditional taiji school". I paid the $80 for one month's lessons. Of course I had to have a uniform, that cost $100, oh and wait, wait a minute, I needed lighter pants - so that would be another $40. I knew well what they were doing... I am a white older woman in a totally Chinese club (one white instructor, white young male is all the white they had). I was patient. Learning a different form and style, one has to be. And I thought, okay the club needs money, you have a business ... I will pay. See what happens. Well demonstration time comes, the focus changes, one can see the interest in taking the club to the demos to give the public a good show .. important for the club for it to grow. Almost too much so. But that is business isn't it. Not sure where the traditional club went though. Sounds more like a struggling business to me. ANyways, I thought i would wait and see what happens, if the universe wanted me there or not. Funny thing, the start of a new month, no $$ for the new style taiji lessons. Guess I spent it all on the outfits.
What happened to the instructor who was interested in the health of his students, the well being, the fun. The fun was all a facade. His laughter was forced. Used qi to make his students feel good and follow his lead. Seen it before. Too old for that stuff. Thing is sometimes I wish I couldn't see it. Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel what he was doing. Sometimes innocence is better. Sometimes it is.
Heavy sigh!
OH well.
I just wanted to make a point here that life is NOT simple. That overweight is NOT simple.
And also to point out .... there are no traditional schools. Not here in North America. Big bucks and power is the name of the game. Fame and fortune is the name of the game. And then of course if one ever practices and becomes really good it will be a man who tells you "why are you trying to compete with men". Frigg!
[Top of List] [Previous Thread] [Next Thread]
|
|
|
|
This Forum is for posting on topics of interest to the Taoist (Daoist) community. Tao is exceptionally broad. Will your post add to the collective balance, harmony, & wisdom? Posts/links deemed obscene, prejudicial, irrelevant, inflammatory, or falsely impersonating others may be removed at Healing Tao USA's discretion. The Forum community thanks you for respecting the registration privilege!
|
|
|
|