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sex, love, and finding a partnerFrom: Steven
Subject: General
Date/Time 2010-06-04 08:33:43
Remote IP: 76.252.71.57
Message>>>Thanks, you gave me a lot of good news here.
>>>I recently went to see a modern Western allopathic doctor,
>>>he did all the tests they know how to do, and I was told that
>>>all my numbers were so spectacularly good that I was expected
>>>to make it to the age of 130 at least.
130 at least, eh? That sounds pretty good; a cause to celebrate.
>>>That was also good news but doesn't get me any closer
>>>to understanding why my sex drive has disappeared.
>>>It happened too suddenly to be explained by the
>>>normal aging process, and it happened without any
>>>accompanying changes in diet, training, beliefs,
>>>emotions, life situation, etc.
Are you *sure* there have been no changes?
Sometimes if you start eating less or exercising more which
puts you in "calorie-burning" mode, you can temporarily lose
some libido. Other miscellaneous factors can be at work physically.
Sometimes sexual desire can wax and wane over time like
phases of the moon and there is nothing abnormal about it.
Or you could be channeling/redirecting your sexual energy into
some new creative projects that you are doing that are giving
you some fulfillment.
>>>Going with what feels right to me now seems
>>>like sort of tragic advice since what feels
>>>right at this point is just forgetting about
>>>sexuality entirely and just focusing on all other
>>>areas of my life.
What's tragic about this?
>>>It could also be caused by gradually built up
>>>frustration and loneliness because in my case
>>>it's always been extraordinarily difficult to
>>>find a woman who wants a partner but doesn't
>>>already have one. I technically have a lot to offer,
>>>but attractiveness in the way that matters is something else.
Bingo. This is really the issue.
But look, if you don't currently have a partner, why would
you *want* to be horny and have an intense sex drive? Seems
like that would be pretty frustrating to me. Maybe your
body is just saving you that frustration. There's no
reason to believe that if maybe you did get into a relationship
with someone that your sex drive wouldn't change. Warm feelings
with someone you are connecting with can be surprisingly
motivating. But if you are not in a relationship now, why
worry about it? And if you do meet someone, the likelihood
that you are going to be having sex within hours of first
meeting is pretty slim anyway (unless you are the "player"-type,
which you don't seem to be). As things heat up emotionally,
I would bet that they would physically as well.
You yourself said that you are in excellent physical health,
above board. If that's the case, there is no reason to
assume anything other than your body is giving you a gift
due to your circumstances and it is temporary, and that
if circumstances change and you do happen to get into a
relationship, then just like the rest of your excellent
physical health, your body will, er, snap to attention ;)
Getting back to what you said about your frustration . . .
Now I could mention a lot of Daoist psycho-babble about
how frustration is a liver issue, and how sex drives, erections,
etc. are also a liver issue, blah blah blah. But I don't
think that's terribly important; it's side-stepping the
real issue. And the real issue is that you feel frustrated
and lonely.
>>>in my case it's always been extraordinarily difficult to
>>>find a woman who wants a partner but doesn't
>>>already have one. I technically have a lot to offer,
>>>but attractiveness in the way that matters is something else.
I've seen a lot of people who (by society's standards) are
not very attractive, even possibly unattractive, and yet some
of them are going from one relationship to the next or
are in long-term relationships. Physical attraction is really
only 10% of the equation; 90% is personality, timing, and
availability. Moreover, as to physical attraction, it is
really an individual thing. Speaking completely superficially,
I have friends that will tell me how this person or that
person is so attractive, and I shrug my shoulders; and same
thing conversely. But that's speaking superficially,
and really it's the other 90% that's important. A good
deal of the attractiveness (I find) comes from the person's
personality. It's the personality that makes them attractive.
But also it's the other 90% that is key to finding a partner.
Oftentimes, when people say they want a partner and can't find
one, actually when you press deeper you realize that actually
they *don't* really want one. Maybe they have really busy lives
and a lot of activities that they really enjoy, and they really
don't have time for another person. Maybe they feel bad
about themselves and so they are subtly sending out a message of
"please, just leave me alone", and so people pick up on that.
Maybe they are so lonely/unhappy with their current state that
they are subtly sending out a message of "I'm miserable and needy",
which is an unattractive message. Maybe they *want* a relationship
in a romantic sense or to fulfill some sexual fantasy, but
really ultimately aren't interested in the time and commitment
that another person entails. In other words, there are many many
reasons why the message of "I want a relationship" is really
not the message that is being sent out. It's something to think about.
"Love is far away; you wait for her; you stop waiting, she's there"
Read the subtitles in this famous French opera song:
Best,
Steven
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