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Living up From: wendy
Subject: General
Date/Time 2010-05-02 12:48:49
Remote IP: 24.36.205.50
Messagehi SD,
It is a difficult question to answer:
Is the practice helping; Yes
but life is more complex than that
I have a personality that is dual: I can be extremely flexible and easy going but I also can hold on to old structures and certain morals (my Capricorn ascendant).
For a capricorn family and children are very important, that is why I stayed in a marriage way too long, for the children, to keep a family for them.
So the idea of leaving my children behind is a big mountain to climb, I saw myself being a mother where they could stop by anytime, a beacon in their lives, now that open door and beacon will be 6000 km away and one big ocean to cross.
Was it not that my youngest daughter, soon 15, said to me a couple of months ago why I was still hanging around in Belgium and not be with Chris, that we seriously talked about me moving. She is a strong self confident independent compassionate young girl, conceived when I was digesting my bad out of body experience, she was my ground, my reason to take care of myself and her when pregnant and my sunshine when she was young and still is.
I talked with my 3 daughters, with my parents, my ex, and of course soon the rest of the family was informed.
With that layers of feelings, thoughts, old habits and old structures are shaken up.
Where my old experiences shook me up spiritually, I understand that this is the outer reflection of it... living the life I integrated and now I am asked to live up to it...
I am asked to live up to it, to follow and to unfold what is given, for that I have to give up my old idea of how a mother has to be, for them and for me, for my own mother who is Capricorn herself, I have to reshape 'motherhood', with Capricorn ascendant that is a BIG challenge.
But to live up to it I have to move away from my old structures and my old life habits, my old ground, my old Europe to find new grounds under the expanding skies of Canada...
Chris is a perfect partner both very sensitive to my process of letting go and extremely wise in his words to give me that exact amount of support that I need to do what I need to do.
He knows what to say when I am all contracted in my knot of grieve of leaving.
but I agree with your sister, despite all the upheavel and pain it causes it was the best choice and we all are learning a lot from it, as they see how I am growing into myself as a woman... yes it is a great lesson for all of us, for three generations of women - my mother, my aunt (my mothers age), me and my 3 daughters.
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