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Owning instead of complaining: after the postingsFrom: wendy
Subject: General
Date/Time 2010-04-25 05:35:54
Remote IP: 84.197.163.209
MessageAfter posting the meditation vs drugs posts I woke up grumpy. Exploring that feeling I sensed a part of me was angry with the postings. Not so much the actual content but the tone of it. That part felt: 'Common woman 10 years later you are still complaining about it, you gained so much from it and all you do is whining.'
I don't feel that whining inside of myself in day to day life, yet as soon I talk about it outwardly I tend to go into oh poor me.
Exposing it more and exploring it with Chris, I see there is a victim part to it all. The victim that felt not heard, not understood and not supported. It never talked much about it in all these years and now that it does it is exposing itself as a victim.
I understand it wanted to find sympathy and support.
Also the whining part was supporting my fears and kept me from moving onward.
I created a safe status quo. I came this far, a safe haven and I wanted to stay there. I gathered all my thingies in a box. No more adventures for me but a safe place I had control of.
The bigger part of me was thinking I am in fact ungrateful and so it became grumpy with this victim part.
Anyways exploring it, exposing it, even here on the forum, in the open, I got up this morning feeling good.
So... thank you all for 'listening' , it helped me greatly to move beyond an old piece that was stuck ....being exposed here now I can openly accept it as a great adventure in unknown territories with some side effects as a learning.
Yesterday after realizing and acknowledging that victim part I have put on my boots, my pressure suit and I emptied out my backpack... :))
- Owning instead of complaining: after the postings: (613) wendy (821) - (Training Log) - 2010-04-25 05:35 am
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