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The adepts mazeFrom: wendy
Subject: General
Date/Time 2010-04-22 17:16:03
Remote IP: 84.197.163.209
MessageIt will be always the big question if those experiences were somehow necessary for some reason.
Looking back I gained a lot of wisdom from it, it strengthened me. So the end result is positive.
I learned to embrace it as part of the adepts walk through the maze.
But there are at this point two things that come to me when you ask this question:
Following the three necessary steps I figured out that are needed to deal with it in a more balanced way than I did, step 1 was the crucial 'mistake'.
1. My preparation was absolutely lousy: I had bad grounding, my boundaries were too weak or I should say my energybody was too open and too expanded (coming from a childhood were I monitored the moods of my parents to protect myself)and I had a lack of yang energy (coming from a father with severe childhood problems who was not able to be present emotionally).
I was in no way prepared for what could happen. With some other experience not mentioned in my posting, I called it stepping into space without a pressure suit, I just jumped into it. Like a child learning that fire is hot by burning its fingers, I learned that expanding, opening and allowing needs to be counterbalanced by grounding and a healthy sense of boundaries. I learned the hard way.
2. Another gap I found that could have helped me to process the experiences better was the follow up or closure. I had absolutely no context, no map, no frame work, other than Michaels emails, I had nobody to talk with, and those very few I very carefully shared some aspects of it with, they either could not understand it (of course) or they denied the whole experience as some identity crisis or I sensed jealousy (that from my HT teacher in my country). I learned very fast that talking about it was not a good choice. Yet I became very isolated and that is why it took so long to integrate it. I had a life to live, three young children to take care of, I had to forget and move on, but of course what you suppress comes back multiplied. I was forced to face it and deal with it. So I did in silence.
With some more context, with some more help, I could have managed it better but I isolated myself because there was nobody to turn to nearby. A turning point was that I was not able to talk as me, that was the point I realized I had lost contact with 'me'. I was part of other realities, I was all that, no boundaries to protect my human me.
I felt like a landing platform where other realities landed and took off without my permission.
I realized I had to claim myself back, bit by bit I gathered my pieces back together, so many years later as an integrated person.
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