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Drugs vs Meditation: A personal storyFrom: wendy
Subject: General
Date/Time 2010-04-22 09:14:40
Remote IP: 84.197.163.209
MessageSteven and all, my 'issue' with your postings was not completely dissolved and last night I figured out the other deeper reason for my strong reaction on your drugs vs. meditation postings.
My shadows with my father was one reason as posted.
But deeper down there was a bigger trigger. It kept me awake till 6am to feel into it.
I'll keep it simple, without any details as it may distract from the issue meditation vs drugs, and becoming a too long posting.
The claim: meditation is GOOD and drugs is BAD. My own experience with spirituality was not ALL GOOD. The fact is that three major meditation/spiritual hits brought me at the border of insanity, without the use of any drugs.
First was about 16 years ago, during one of the bodywork classes I took, using bone marrow information. I had a major and very bad out of my body experience. My energy body was not able to come back into my physical body, for 3 days I was like a zombie, until my inner voice ordered me to go to a nearby old church. No clue what to do there I walked in during mess, sat down in the back away from people, waited clueless, when the mess was finished I felt no difference. Feeling desperate I walked on the right side of the pilars towards the altar, looked at the altar briefly and walked back in the middle aisle towards the door. Back home I burst out in tears as I felt my energybody was still way outthere and I could not get it back.
Sitting there sad and desperate for a couple of hours I suddenly felt my energybody joining my body again. The leylines running through the church had been pulling my energybody back into my physical body.
My bodywork teacher ordered me to look for Healing Tao classes and so this first major event directed me towards HT. Yet it took almost a full year to recover from the loss of my energybody. It was a terrifying experience to feel so empty/detached/lost - in a bad unintegrated way, it felt like I was lost in my own dark inner dungeons, the guiding light of my energybody was no longer present, I walked a zombie life.
I kept doing bodywork classes combined with HT, to make me stronger and to release old patterns and emotional blockages.
About 13 years ago I sat in a meditation with Michael W. being totally deep and open I had an encounter with another being. I talked about that on the forum before and don't like to talk about it too much. In short, that wiped away my whole context of 'reality'. That took 9 months of recovery and some years of digesting. I had no context to deal with it, the whole reality context was gone, I thought I lost my mind. The only guidance I had through it all were emails with Michael.
It took years gathering all the pieces back together to make a workable reality frame for myself.
Then about 10/11 years ago taking a class with Li Feng at Dao Mountain, again in deep and open meditation, another encounter happened, not one but two following each other, my body/mind and soul were stretched to the extreme to try to keep my sanity - where the 13 years ago one was minddazzling for me, this one was even more disturbing. This encounter took many years to digest, and I am now 10 years later at peace with it, yet still finding my way with some aspects of it, as it is a neverending process. If the first one took me on the edge of insanity, I think this one took me at some points over it. My build in intelligence kept me from really becoming a sort of lunatic in the dessert.
Anyways this very shortened story to try to make my point that meditation is not all good vs. drugs being all bad ( as a spiritual tool). They both can hold deep wisdom yet also unknown dangers.
In my opinion both paths need exactly the same three things:
Preparation, guidance and completion!
Without those three aspects both meditation and drug use as a spiritual tool!, can be just plane dangerous.
From my own experiences I KNOW that these three things are necessary and crucial for true development of the human body, mind and soul.
My personal meditation trips were the worst experiences in my life. They transformed into deep wisdom but only, and just only, because of very hard inner work, building myself up brick by brick, stretching my mind as far as I possibly could without losing it and transformed it into a day-to-day presence and awareness.
I do thank Michael for the emails that kept me from completely losing it.
Wendy
- Drugs vs Meditation: A personal story: (577) wendy (821) - (Training Log) - 2010-04-22 09:14 am
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